Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize