I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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