I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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