If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
