shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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