i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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