I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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