I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
