Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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