The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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