She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
