we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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