Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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