I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
