remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
