the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
