I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
