so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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