i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
