He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
