you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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