he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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