Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So vagazzling was a success
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize