I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
