i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
