somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
