I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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