i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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