Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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