I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
