I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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