My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
