just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
