I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
