my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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