Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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