Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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