How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Porn is love you can see.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
