I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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