Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
