Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
