$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
