Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
