hotel room ftw
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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