My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
