so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize