do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
