and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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