marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize