It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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