that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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