The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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