I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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