Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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