he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
