Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
