By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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