So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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