I met the friendliest cop last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
