roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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