i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
