Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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