Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
