Your tits are I can't wait for
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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