C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
