I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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