he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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