I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
