He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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