haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
