Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
