i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
