sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
