Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
FUCK WHALES
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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