im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
