did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize