I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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